DEMONS!!

One of the running jokes we have in the store is how about 70% of the computers we get in for service are possessed by the devil.  We like to call these computers Demon PCs.  The term Demon PC is given to the computer that is having the weirdest issues or giving us the most problems, but not necessarily resulting from the computer having viruses.  We even went as far as making special sticky notes that we stuck by the computer representing that this computer was currently the Demon PC of the day... At this point you are probably saying to yourself, "This guy obviously is stupid and has no idea what he is talking about!"  On the contrary, I have sufficient evidence to prove my claims that no earthly creature has taken over the computers, only the supernatural.  Follow me as we venture into the vast underworld!

The Good Demons
The first set of computers are the ones that come in because they are unable to boot into the Operating System.  A number of things can cause such errors to occur.  Viruses, corrupted system files, deleting of important files, bad updates can all contribute to why the computer is no longer booting properly.  So we take them in for diagnostics run PC Doctor on the computers to check all the hardware components.  Once all the hardware passes all the diagnostics we move onto software to see what could be causing the issues.  Then miraculously the computers seem to boot up with no problems.  We run a virus scan, it comes back clean, everything else on the computer is fine and it runs very well.  We changed nothing else besides running the diagnostics software prior to booting the OS.  But wait, it gets better!

The Bad Demons
One of the bad demons I have encountered was a laptop whose screen managed to be completely upside down.  Now I know what you are thinking, the video card must have been set on rotation to flip the screen 180º.  Nope that wasn't the case because the screen was flipped before it even gets to the OS.

Our company also likes to boast how our tune-ups make your computer run like brand new!  In fact they don't make them run brand new but sometimes disabling start up services can make it a little faster.  Unless the computer is possessed by a demon that is.  Somehow after doing a tune-up the computer runs 10 times slower than it did before...

Another famous laptop that came into our store was one that kept freezing.  The customer explained to us that while he was using it, if he walked away for a minute the computer would be completely frozen.  So we take it in for a diagnostic and find there are several problems with the system memory.  We recommend getting new RAM chips and install it for him.  The customer agrees and we get the new RAM and install it.  Run a stress test which makes the all the components run at full load all at once and it doesn't freeze.  Then we let the computer sit for a couple hours to make sure it doesn't freeze, it doesn't.  But as soon as the customer got it home it froze within a few minutes.  I asked him if he was hooking up anything different to it outside of the store, or running anything specifically, but of course he says he just powered it on and it froze.  The only difference was he was using his power cord at home and we were running our universal one in the store because he forgot his.  So he brings it back with his power cord and alas it still doesn't freeze in the store...

There are also times when a full refomat of a computer is the only way to fix some of the issues it is having.  After thoroughly checking over the computer and finding the hardware is fine, we recommend doing a full recovery.  Wiping the computer clean and starting over.  This is typically the last resort to fix problems.  But then the demons return to cause havok!  We did a full recovery on a system only to receieve the following error message...

So the installation wasn't successful, but it completed successfully.  Meanwhile the error code is Error: DS_S_Success(0x0).  Makes perfect sense to me.

What is a story about demons without FIRE!? This one desktop computer wasn't powering on at all.  So we found out it was the power supply by testing with another power supply.  We ran the full diagnostics on the computer to make sure nothing else was wrong.  I went to our part system and ordered the power supply that specifically said it was for the particular machine I was working on.  It comes in, I install it and then it's time to test it.  I power on the computer all is fine and dandy until the computer shuts off and I smell smoke... I run over to the computer unplug it and open up the case and find that the 4 pin plug is smoking.  It must be defective I thought, I call the customer to inform them and proceed to order another one, once again the part I ordered said it was specifically for the machine I was working on.  We get the replacement and once again the computer starts to smoke once I power it on... Ok two defective parts in a row, not likely.  This was partly because the parts system is retarded and apparently mixed up some numbers so the power supply wasn't compatible with this unit.  Even though the power ratings were the same in terms of Watts and Voltages it still managed to start smoking...

So far all the computers I have been talking about were all ones that were already being used.  But the demons somehow manage to get into the new computers we sell too.  We set up a new laptop, we had just finished installing all the software, doing all the updates, and transferring all the data from the old computer.  I come in the next day to find the computer is no longer booting and has a bluescreen.  Fantastic I love that it had a defective hard drive but only starts to present itself after we finished all the work on it.  I called the customer we had to switch it out and do all the work again.

Another new desktop was setup recently within the store.  It was completed, recovery discs were made, and all the data from the old computer was on the new computer.  The customer came and picked it up and we powered it up in the store for the customer to verify the work.  Later in the evening, the customer calls and says the computer is asking him to set up Windows.  WTF?!  I give him some things to try but if he still has a problem call me back.  He calls back and the computer is booted up but everything is gone.  I tell him to bring it in and I'll take a look.  I power it up in the store and find that not only did the computer reformat itself but somehow it changed the bit version from 64 to 32, moved his data to a window.old folder which only happens if you install Windows on top of itself, and the computer didn't have any of the manufacturer software on the computer anymore.  Great so glad we did all the work because now we had to do it all again.  I still don't understand how that can even happen.  I restarted the computer about 10 times after finishing the recovery and putting the data back on.  Everything seem to be ok.

So as you can see Demons are very real and they like to infect any of the computers we are servicing.  When I applied for this job they didn't mention that I would also need training as an Excorcist!!

If you have any Demon stories you would like to share please leave a comment!!

A Week in the Life...

It's been an interesting week.  And by interesting I mean miserable as usual.  I'm gonna go through a couple of things that happened this week that I think are news worthy.  I apologize but this post may be a little long.  We'll start with the most annoying customer of the week.  I go into work Monday morning like usual to find that once again I am the only tech scheduled until the night tech comes in at the same time I leave.  Don't forget that Monday was MLK day and people with real jobs didn't have to work except the poor souls that had to work in a crappy retail store...  Of course it was going to be busy, and it was.  I'm trying to get a handle on some of the tech work that was piling up behind the tech counter but its still extremely hard to get anything done when people constantly approach you to ask you stupid questions.  I'm trying to make one or two clicks on a computer I'm looking at before being interupted yet again by another customer.  All while the tech phone was ringing all day. 

This one customer kept calling to check the status of the two computers he brought in, one was a desktop, the other was a laptop.  We had already diagnosed the problem with the laptop and found the hard drive was starting to fail.  His desktop however passed all the hardware diagnostics but something was seriously wrong on the software side.  You logged into the OS and everything starts closing by itself with error messages.  I was in the middle of a virus scan that also was forced to shut down not before showing it had three threats, but not knowing if they were high level trojans or just low level tracking cookies.  Anyway he calls to check on the status, I update him on the laptop but the desktop I'm still looking at and will call him when I know anything further.  I help a crapload of people right after getting off the phone barely have time to get back to desktop and he calls again.  I explain what is happening and we are seeing what we can do. I WILL CALL YOU WHEN I KNOW WHAT IS WRONG.  Low and behold he calls not even an hour later to check again.  At this point I'm annoyed to hell by this guy.  It may have a virus, but whatever is going on it's fucked up bad, the only thing we can do is a reformat on the desktop and replace the hard drive on the laptop.  I explained in both cases data would be lost because both computers would need to be reformatted to fix all the problems he was having.  I had to explain the concept of data backup at least six times before he comprehended.  I estimated two days to fix the desktop, that gave us time to backup everything and do the recovery and be sure all the problems were gone.  The laptop however we had to order a hard drive and I couldn't guarantee when it would be ready because our part ordering system has been delaying like crazy with hard drive orders.

Two days goes by and we fix the desktop and I call him to let him know the desktop is ready but the laptop we are still waiting on the hard drive to install.  We can't do anyting to fix it until the drive is in, besides backing up the data on it.  Yesterday he came into the store before I went in and told one of the techs that he was picking up his laptop.  The tech saw all the information on what was done and explained that the desktop was ready to go but the laptop wasn't.  You know because I didn't explain this in great detail when I talked to guy... He told the tech that he would be in later to check, even though the tech explained it wouldn't be ready because the hard drive wasn't here yet, but he can take the desktop and pay for the desktops services.  He left and called later that night. I of course got the story from the tech who explained what had transpired earlier.  THAT GUY IS A FREAKIN IDIOT! Anyway he did come in that night and pick up the desktop and I explained about another 15 times that the laptop we are still waiting on the damn hard drive, once it comes in we will work on it right away...

                                                                                                                                                                    

This brings me to my next topic of discussion.  There are way too many people that should not have computers or be allowed to use them.  This one lady was playing around the one of the display laptops testing out the word processing program included.  She moved the mouse and when she wanted to click she kept going up and hitting the spacebar as a mouse click button... I explained about four times to her the mouse button is below the trackpad and that she is hitting the spacebar.  And she kept freakin doing it! *FACE PALM* 

Also a customer called the other day and spoke to the cashier explaining she couldn't install the antivirus she just purchased.  When she looked on the box and saw it was for PC she wasn't sure she had one of those... Before I picked up the phone I was contemplating to pick up the phone call the lady an idiot and just hang up.  I picked it up and answered in a polite but sarcastic manner.  Turns out she couldn't put the CD in the drive, not because it was stuck, but because she couldn't push the disc down onto the laptop CD tray...

Another customer recently bought a computer and it was clear he didn't know what the hell he was doing.  So we set up the computer for him and tested his email and everything was fine and dandy.  Of course with these customers they want their XP computer to be EXACTLY THE SAME as their new 7 computer.  We can make it as close as possible but we aren't installing every piece of software under the Sun unless you pay for it.  Even then it's way too freakin time consuming to duplicate everything between the two.  The transfer cable does a pretty good job at this but its still not going to be EXACT!

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The final piece of my venting is going to be about the SM. Last week my SM keeps telling me we have to increase our turn-around time on tech work because we averaged 6 days last week. That's funny, because then he proceeds to tell me that I'm only allowed to work on THREE machines that night... He also explains that we need to sell more Plans.  Ok, so you want me to get all these computers done but not work on them, AND you want me to sell too?  Increase productivity by not being productive, this is like the counterproductive policy all over agian... Not only that but still having one tech working both the floor and behind the counter is not going to accomplish anything. I have voiced my opinion about this many times. We need to have two techs working for a period of time, even if it for only a couple hours!  If one tech is working, computers can hardly get done and sales will be low, YOU CAN'T HAVE BOTH!!!

I want to continue my discussion of my SM and sometimes he is a complete idiot.  He ordered a keyboard for a netbook last week for a customer.  He handed it off to the tech to ring up but he was definitely the one who ordered it.  The keyboard came in a few days later and wasn't even remotely the right keyboard.  The customer called to check the status he told her that the part company sent us the wrong part. When overlooking the information on the order I saw the SMs name on the part order with the wrong part but the tech associate's name on the actual work order. I asked the SM who actually placed the order, he tells me the associate did...Well whatever it's gotta get taken care of either way.

Instead of taking care of it the SM passed it on to the tech who was working to get the situation rectified.  Of course that tech was also experiencing the SINGLE TECH DILEMA and didn't get a chance to take care of it.  Still instead of the SM taking care of his own mistake he passed it on to me.  I had to call the company to be sure I was getting the right part, ship back the wrong one, and order the right one, and called the customer to inform her.  Meanwhile the part is now on back order all because the SM ordered the wrong damn part in the first place.  I know I probably sound like a bitchy little girl right now but I wouldn't be as pissed off if he amounted to his own wrongdoing...

                                                                                                                                                                    

I'm sorry, I lied about that being the last part of the post I forgot to mention a little thing called ASAT. ASAT stands for Associate Satisfaction and its a survey that goes to all the stores and asks you to rate the store and company.  Last year we got a low ASAT (big surprise) and HR sent someone to find out why.  Of course instead of actually interviewing all the employees within the store the HR rep only talked to about 4 associates and left. 

This year we scored a low ASAT again (still a big surprise, NOT) and our GM is going around asking all the employees why.  I don't have a problem with the managers, well except for the SM, but most of the problems I have are with the company as a whole, not listening when I say why we aren't performing like we should.  Of course my concerns are brushed under the rug or considered to be BELOW THE LINE in positive thinking.  One of the questions include, "If you had your way would you still be working here in twelve months?" Rate on a scale 1 to 5, 1 being not likely, 5 being extremely likely.  If I had my own way I would be on an island somewhere with bitches in both my arms drinking a pina colada.  What kind of stupid ass question is that?

And I'm done! I hate my job! Until next time!

Blast From The Past

This one happened to me about two years ago but it is still one of the funniest stories I have.  A guy came into the store looking for a program to open documents.  He didn't have the program installed on the computer and was looking for a program to do this.  After asking if he was planning to edit the documents or just look at them we found that what he needed was a word processing editor.  I showed him ones we had and he decided to go with the Product Key Card version of the productivity software.  I explained that since it was a product key card and he would be saving money he would have to download the software and install it then use the product key card in the packaging to activate it.  Otherwise he could go with the DVD version which would be easier to install but it does cost about 30 dollars more.  He seemingly understood what I was saying because he decided to go with that one anyway.  I showed him on the back of the packaging where to go to download the software then all he had to do was follow the instructions.  I rang him up and he went on his way.

About two hours later the guy comes back in the store comes up to the customer service counter and yells, "Don't you people answer your phones?! I have been calling for the last two hours and no one has picked up!!" I look at the cashier and then at the guy and said, "The phone hasn't been ringing at all for the last two hours. What number did you call?" He proceeds to tell me the number he called which was not our store's number.  He looked in the phone book and called the store in the town over that does not exist.  I still have yet to figure out why that number is in the phone book when there is no store there but whatever.  I asked him what the problem was and he explained that he can't download the software.  I ask him did he go to the website that I showed him on the back of the package.  He is like, "What website?" Once again I proceed to show him the web address that he would need to go to download the software.  I then give him the correct phone number to the store and tell him if has questions he can call.

Maybe about an hour later I get a tech call and sure enough it is the same guy.  He explains to me that he still cannot download the software. 

Me: "Did you go to the website on the back of the box?"

Guy: "I think so but I'm not sure what to do." 

I ask him to hold on, I am going to go to the same site on our computer and see what he is looking at.  I grab a box go to the site and see all the options on the screen.  I pick the phone back up and tell him to click the first option that is entitled Home and Student version. 

Guy: "What?! I don't see that!"

Me: "Are you on the website that showed you on the back of the box?"

Guy: "Website?"

Me: "Yes go to Internet Explorer, the little 'e' where go to webpages. Go to the address bar and type in exactly what you see on the back of the box..."  (I am seriously not understanding how this can be that difficult...)

*Long Pause*

Guy: "Argh, it doesn't help that I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I AM DOING!!!!!!!" *CLICK* (He hangs up)

I am dying laughing while I'm still holding the phone to my ear.  While laughing I proceed to tell one of my coworkers of what has just happened.

It is now one of the running jokes in the store that if someone comes in and complains but obviously has no idea what is going on we always joke about it later with the phrase, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I AM DOING!!!!!"

The Meat Story

A little while ago I was working one of those crazy days.  The ones where I am the only tech on and there is a line of three people dropping off computers for service while other people need help in routers and purchasing new computers. You know the usual.  Finally when it dies down a strange older gentleman comes up to the tech counter while I'm trying to catch up on the pile of computers that are in for service.  He wishes to buy a new computer all while explaining that he knows NOTHING about computers.  Ask him all about meat and he'll tell you about everything there is to know about meat.  Meat you ask? Yes, meat, this man was a meat man.  He chops up the meat off of animals such as deer and other types of animals, packs it and sells it.  This is the guy's job.  I mean I like steak as much as the next guy but this was pretty strange.  I'll decribe him, he was a taller heavy set man with a silver goatee, between 50's and 60's, a baseball hat, and about 2-3 teeth left showing in his mouth.  So while helping him with the new computer I mention that we have setup packages both in-store and on-site.  He gets all excited when I tell him about the on-site setup and that I would be the one that can come out to his house and setup his shiny new computer.  All the while I could smell the hint of alcohol on his breath.  He buys the computer and we setup the appointment for two days later.  We started some of the work in the store like making the recovery discs, software installations, and updates.  This makes it so the only thing I have to do on the on-site is setup the printer, connect to the wireless, data transfer, etc.

Two days later I come into the store and start gathering all the tools I need to complete the data transfer.  I find out that the guy called 2 hours earlier all mad because he thought I was supposed to be there already.  Great the meat guy is mad even though the appointment was agreed to be the time after I came into the store.  I can picture him now with a meat cleaver out when I pull up to his house.  I call him to confirm our appointment and he is all excited to have his new computer setup.  I knew where his house was generally located so I wasn't too concerned about where I was going.  That is, until I pulled up to his house and it looked like a rundown shack.  I contemplated getting out of the car and just turning around and heading back to the store.  I looked at the house again and noticed just the one part looked like a shack that the rest was actually a house.  So I manned up and approached the house and rang the bell.  He came to the door with his dog barking this time he wasn't wearing a cap and realized his silver hair was actually a silver mohawk.  And this time he was wearing a t-shirt and you can see the massive amounts of tattoos on his arms.  We head into the house and I setup the computer, get on the wireless, setup the printer, transfer his data, and install some other minor programs that he used.  All the while he is drinking his beer, watching some tattoo show and talking about meat while lovingly petting his dog.  I showed him how to navigate a little on the new computer and of course he kept right clicking everything instead of left clicking but eventually he started to get the hang of it.  He was a nice guy, but he was a still a strange individual.

Finally finished all the work that had to be done and was ready to get the hell out of there.  As he is walking me back to the door he says, "Let me show you my workspace."  His room is where we setup the computer so I haven't yet seen this workspace.  It was a room down the hallway from the door as he was walking he was wobbling a little bit, possibly from drinking too much beer.  He walks me outside and says, "Let me show you my meat room!" He opens the door next to the main door it was the one I originally saw when I first pulled in and looked like a shack.  Inside was a deer hanging upside that was completely gutted.  I found it interesting but perhaps a little disturbing since I came here to setup the guy's computer and he is now showing me a dead dear that is hanging in the shack which is connected to his house.  He thanked me again for setting up his computer and saying I did an amazing job helping him out.  He was so thankful he said, "I'm gonna come to the store and bring you some meat!!"  This was hands down the weirdest tech job I have ever done.