The Great Tech Schedule Fiasco

Here is a little backstory for you.  Recently the company rolled out a program called COT which stands for Certified On-Site Technician.  Basically each store will have their own COT which works in the store but will also travel to customer's locations to perform tech work.  Originally the company had a program called Mobile Tech which was a designated Tech who would do the on-sites for each district which is about 12 stores.  In favor of lauching the COT program the company fired all of the Mobile Techs just to save a few bucks.  The Mobile Techs were actually making livable salary while the COTs make only slightly more than an in-store associate.  Of course the corporate office told the Mobile Techs that they weren't training their replacements (COTs) but of course they were.  This company is stupid.

Anyway, now that you have the backstory lets move forward to now.  I am "lucky" enough to be one of the COTs for my store.  In order to generate revenue our DM Lord Farquaad asks that we sell at least 2 on-sites a week.  That sounds reasonable when it is laid out on the table like that but when you work for this company you are only shooting yourself in the foot.  Let me explain, Lord Farquaad ALWAYS comes in our store and complains about how much of a mess our store is.  He even asked the techs why our sales goals were so low.  I have immediately answered this inquiry with, "Well having one tech working the floor doing signs, pull-lists, truck, helping customers while SIMULTANEOUSLY working on tech work (fixing computers) makes it impossible to get anything done".  Of course his response to this was, "No, that isn't the problem".  I wanted to punch him at the face when he spoke.

So being one of the COTs for my store I was told by the GM that I should sell on-sites for the times that I am working.  Which obviously makes sense you aren't going to schedule an on-site for when I'm not freakin working.  So recently an on-site was scheduled by the SM to be shortly after my shift started.  I entered the abyss of the store and kept my jacket on since I was only staying for 5 minutes before I had to head back out.  I told the OM that I had an on-site scheduled and he started freaking out.  The reason he was freaking out because there is no other tech working while I am out doing the on-site.  And even though the GM told me to schedule on-sites whenever I am working, everytime I mention I have an on-site she rolls her eyes.  I, of course, want to sell more on-sites because I get to leave the store.  The more time I spend in that place I am pretty sure I am going to go mentally insane.

Randompalooza

This post will consist of all the weird/random stuff that has happened over the past week.

STORY 1
There was a customer who brought in his laptop because it was freezing last week.  We ran a diagnostic on it and found one of the memory chips wasn't working correctly.  We called the customer and offered a replacement chip.  It came in, we installed it, everything was running good computer didn't freeze the whole time we left it running in the store.

Customer picks up the computer, brings it home, within 3 hours calls and complains that the computer is freezing again.  I wasn't in the store at the time but the tech currently working knew about it and told him to bring the computer back.

Customer brings the computer back to the store of course on the days when I have a couple days off so I didn't get a chance to look at it until the beginning of this week.  Checked all the programs that were running, changed some BIOS settings for processor sleep states and left the computer running for 2 hours, didn't freeze.  Ran our stress test for another 2 hours to see if it freezes, and it didn't.  Customer picked up the computer yesterday of course when I am dealing with this other crazy customer (look forward to that in Story 2).  He ended up calling me again shortly after he left saying it froze.  WTF?!  The only difference was that in the store he didn't bring his power adapter so we used our universal one.  At home he is using the power adapter he had.  That is the only thing it can be at this point... If anyone knows what else it could be leave a comment!

STORY 2
So this lady comes in, she is really nice, but seems a little crazy.  She goes on to tell me how she had brain surgery not too long ago and she is trying to cope.  This is besides the point, she is coming in to find a printer that she saw the night before on our website, she claims it was an EPSON ARTISAN 7700.  I have never heard of that printer before but sometimes we carry other printers on our site that we don't carry in the store.  So I'm trying to link into this for the lady. I check on our website of course no such printer exists.  She goes on to tell me that her neighbor bought the exact same printer she is looking for from our sister store. 

At this point I'm pretty sure she was hallucinating this whole thing, even her husband was getting a little angry at her.  I tried to call our sister store, but because of the holidays they were busy and didn't answer the phone.  I even looked on Epson's website to find this particular model and the only one it finds is a $2,500 dollar professional machine, not the one she said she saw for $179.99 that also qualified for $50 off when you recycle an old printer.  We went over to the printer aisle to see if any of the ones we had was the one she saw.  She kept going back and forth between an Epson and a Canon she just bought asking me to tell her the differences between the two.  This whole ordeal wasted 30-40 minutes of my life...

STORY 3
This is a continuation from the story Umm, You Can't Back That Up. The customer brought back his computer after he backed up everything and wanted us to do the system recovery I told him about.  Of course before he left to do the backup himself I told him that we would need the recovery discs to do so.  He brings in the computer on one of the days I was off and spoke to the SM about fixing it.  Customer just kept saying, "JMan know fix!" Needless to say he didn't bring those recovery discs that were needed to actually do the recovery.  So I called him as soon as I could and explained we needed the discs that I spoke to him about.  He said he would come in the next day to talk to me about it. Ok...

The next day he comes in and I explain everything that in order to do the recovery he needs the discs.  Well he couldn't find them, so the only thing he can do is order the discs directly from the manufacturer because we are unable to get them.  I give him the model of the unit, the serial number, the discs he needs, and the phone number to get a hold of them.  Of course he seems completely perplexed by this situation and I had to explain the same thing about 6 times...

STORY 4
This next one happened during one of the days I was off and found out about in the day I came back.  The SM was dealing with an Asian customer who came in with his computer to have it looked at because it wasn't acting right in Windows.  Of course the version of Windows installed on this computer was completely in a different language with no way to switch to English (at least that is what the SM tells me).  The SM politely explains that no one in our store is bilingual in this Asian language that we couldn't look at the computer because we would not know what we are reading.  Apparently the customer flipped out saying we were discriminating against him because we couldn't read his language.  I'm sorry but if you live in the U.S. you should at least know that the majority of people here speak English and/or Spanish.  Most Americans are not going to be able to read an Asian language because it is completely different from our own.  If your language settings could be adjusted to English so we could at least read what was going on we would gladly take it in. Otherwise we may as well be reading Klingon it would make more sense.

Umm, You Can't Back That Up

Customer came in yesterday to talk about his computer that he dropped off a couple days ago.  He was having problems with wireless, everytime he turned on the wireless switch the computer would just blue screen, restart, then just boot loop and never get back into windows, until you turned the wireless switch back off.  We ran a thorough diagnostic where the only thing failing was the video registers which constitutes the reason some of the on screen images looked a little strange.  We ruled out something was wrong with Windows because we tested the wireless switch in Linux and it was working fine.  We tried numerous other things to see if we can get the wireless working again in Windows to no avail.  The only solution is to do a full system recovery, wipe everything, and start fresh.

I called the customer to explain to him that wiping it was the only way to fix it.  But if we went that route any data on the computer would be erased unless we backed it up.  He said he understood and that he would be in the store in about 40 minutes.  So he comes in and I start explaining everything we did and the solution to fix it.  I explained if he didn't have a lot of data I wouldn't charge for the data that we would just do a system recovery.  After checking how much data he had it came to 22 GB of personal data.  That was quite a bit of information so I explained that the diagnostic he paid for already would cover the backup but it would be extra to recover the system.  Plus I always make it a point that if a recovery is needed the programs on the computer would need to be reinstalled, there is really no way to back it up.  While I'm explaining all this and he's showing what he would want backed up on the computer he keeps asking if we fixed it.  No we didn't fix it, I'm telling you how much it would cost to fix it.  Then I show him all the programs he has and that he would need to reinstall them when he gets the computer back.  Then he asks me the weirdest question, "DID YOU BACK UP THE INTERNET!?"  Haha first off it's nearly impossible for an End User to backup the entire freakin' Internet.  Secondly, I have explained about 6 times that we didn't backup anything yet nor did we fix the problem...

Epic Bonus Payout!

Today, shortly after my shift started my SM comes up to me and tells me all the "great" things going on within the company. 

A little backstory for you, our store has been lacking meeting our metrics and quite frankly I am sick of hearing about it everyday.  We aren't selling enough service plans and we aren't selling enough tech services.  Of course the company is making these goals hard to achieve by making laptop service plans about 50% of the cost of the computer, no one is going to buy that. And that is just the regular protection, if you throw in accidental which is the highest reason for a laptop breaking it's sometimes can be 60% or 70% of the cost. You would have to be a complete moron to buy that.  And for our tech services they keep slashing prices for "break fix" systems coming in so we don't make a lot of money from that and charging outrageous prices for depot repair services.  There is hardly any motivation for me to sell these things to people who don't want them.  The only motivation that techs get is we get bonus money if we are selling over a certain goal.  A goal that has been harder to achieve  during the recession where people don't have the extra money to get a service plan.  In order to see bonus we have to achieve over 7% in service plan attachments and over $1,050 in tech services.  Of course whatever we make over that we (tech associates) only make 10% of what we over by, which is then divided among associates depending on the hours they worked.  Long story short we haven't been making anything with our service plan dollars and even when we get over $1,050 it seems like we don't get shit.

Anyway back to the the SM talking to me about the "great" things going on in the company.  He told me right now we are getting double payout in bonus money for all tech associates.  Of course I then replied, "Well getting double of Zero is still Zero, so yeah great motivational tool."  At this point he was completely quiet and was reading the rest of the memo to himself.  I understand that it is his job to make the store perform better in all our metrics but our DM Lord Farquaad is the most dismotivational manager in existence.  He bitches and moans when we aren't performing well but doesn't really give us any means to improve.  The one time he came to our store and asked us what the problem was and we explained that having one tech work both the floor and computers is really not helping his exact response was, "No, that is not the problem."

Phone Call: What are we going to do about this?

Today was going pretty well, that is until I got a tech call sometime in the afternoon.  It went something like this...

Me: Hi this is JMan, how can I help you?

Lady: Hi JMan, my name is [Name], I was in there the other day and I bought a Uniden phone.  The gentlemen who helped me was very helpful he answered a lot of my questions.  However he told me that this phone came with a wall mount and it doesn't.  I called Uniden and they said the wall mount is $5.00

*Long Pause*

Me: Ok...

Lady: Well... What are we going to do about this?

Me: Unfortunately I can't order the wall mount we don't carry it.  We may be able to compensate you for the wall mount since we misinformed you saying it had a wall mount. Hold on let me talk to the manager.

(I put the lady on hold, talk to my manager mentioning what was going on.  The manager Ok'd giving the lady a $5.00 coupon or returning and reringing the phone deducting $5.00)

Me: Ma'am? I spoke to the manager we can give you a $5.00 coupon or return and rering the phone and deduct $5.00.  Or we can always exchange the phone and switch it out with one that has a wall mount.

(Of course when we try to help the customer this is when stuff gets out of hand)

Lady: Ugh. This is ridiculous. I have to drive all the way there to get $5.00.  That's a waste of gas.

Me: Well as I said we can switch out the phone, or you can pick up the coupon or do the return at your convenience whenever you are down this way.

Lady: This is ridiculous!! We can't switch out the phone because there are no other phones that have the features of this phone!! I can't use the phone without the wall mount!!! Give me corporate's number!!

(About this time another customer was coming in to pickup a computer.  I told the manager that the lady on the phone needed corporates number.  So I helped the lady picking up a computer while the managers spoke to the lady on the phone.  About 10 minutes later goes by when the tech phone rings)

Me: Hi this is JMan, how can I help you?

Lady: JMan! This is [Name] again. I am very upset... The number I was given for the corporate office was for corporate contracts!! I need to speak to a manager right now!!!

(I glance over and notice both the managers are dealing with customers at this moment, not knowing how long they will take)

Me: Ma'am, sorry the managers are currently helping people. I can get the corporate number for you since I don't know how long they will be.

Lady: NO! I have to speak to a manager!!

Me: Ok. But they are currently busy I can either put you on hold but I do not know how long they will be. Or I can have one of them call you when they are free.

Lady: Don't put me on hold! I don't have time for this! I have been on the phone for over 20 minutes I don't want to have to wait for a call I need this resolved now!

Me: Ok I am putting you on hold.

Long story short, the manager talked to her while she was screaming on the phone.  In order to take care of this customer the SM used his own credit card to order the wall mount for this phone, and had it delivered to the customer.  The store is going to have to reimburse him in some way.

Turns out this lady is also disabled and this was another reason she didn't want to come into the store.  She of course did not mentioned this once the whole time she was flipping out on me on the phone.  People are crazy... I also like when we give solutions to people and they still don't think it's enough...

Mispronunciation & Stupid Remarks

This post will consist entirely of mispronunciations and stupid remarks that hear throughout a typical day at the work place.  I'm going to post what the customer said and if needed I will comment with the correction or a funny remark. Enjoy!

"I am looking for a Linkskiis box"
Skiis... We don't sell them here. It is Linksys... I don't understand why it is so hard to say.

"Linksee box"
Same comment as before...

"I need a UBS cord"
USB... anything that comes out will have one. Say it right.

"I need a USB Wireless Ethernet"
WHAT? I was baffled when I heard this. I had to ask what the fuck was the person trying to do.

"I just put ink into my computer so I know that isn't the problem!"
Actually I think that might be the problem...

"I need McAafree Antivirus"
It is really McAfee.  I think they say it this way because it has Free in the name.

"I need a 1 trigabit Stargate Drive"
I kid you not that has been asked...

"I need a USB port for my car so I can charge my laptop in the car"
Wow... Just wow...

"What do you mean I have to plug in the laptop?! It's WIRELESS!!!"
Just like a cellphone it can be used wirelessly but it still needs to charge...

"I got this virus on my computer when I started to watch porn while at Panera Bread"
WTF?

"I need ink toner for my printer!"
It is either ink or toner...Not both...

"Why is the ink over there now! You always change everything around"
Actually it has been this way for over a year now...

"It's only an 8 year old computer. I don't understand why it doesn't run anymore"
Because it's an 8 year old computer...

"This computer is racist because it's black!"
Actually you are racist because you think because it's black it's racist...

"I need a USB cable with the computer end on both sides"
That is the rarest USB cable ever.  The reason they want this is because they think it is how they hook up their printer to their computer. They see the USB port in front of the printer and think that is how it outputs.  Actually it's in the back of the printer or sometimes inside and is a completely different end.

"I was told if I bought the 3-user version of this antivirus that I could install it on the same computer after the first year expired"
No you weren't...

"I need a VGA monitor cable with a male and female end to hook up to my TV"
No, you need male to male, your TV will have a female end on it.  This person ended up coming back for the right cable an hour later and apologized because I was right.

"Since I'm buying so much today can I get a discount?"
You bought the cheapest computer with nothing else. No you can't get a fucking discount!

Lady on Phone: "My computer isn't connecting to the wireless anymore! What is wrong with it? It was working yesterday"
Me: Well there can be a number of things wrong with it. I suggest bringing it in so we can check it out.
Lady: "But what is wrong with it?!"
Me: Could be a virus, could be a setting got changed, could be something wrong with the router, could be the wireless card is dead...
Lady: "But what is wrong with it?!?!?"

"I need Office PX and I know you have it here!"
Turns out it was Windows XP and no we didn't have it, Windows XP stopped being sold since Vista came out in 2007...

"Ok you don't have it here... If you had it where would it be?"
Why ask this? Seriously?

"I know the hard drive isn't failing! I am going to sue you! I am telling all the papers!"
This guy brought his computer in for a diagnostic a few years ago to find out what was wrong with his computer. I still haven't read the news article about this.

Satisfied?

This happened to my co-worker C-Dogg the other day.  He was helping out a customer who needed a replacement battery for their laptop.  So in the process of looking up and ordering the battery the customer went over to the candy section and grabbed about 8 Snickers bars and walked over and placed them on the counter.  After processing the order of the battery C-Dogg asked the customer if wanted to pay for everything together (the battery and the candy bars).  The customer's reply was, "No, I'm not buying these..." as he points to the snickers bars.  He pays for the battery and leaves the candy just sitting on the counter.  C-Dogg tells me he has never been so confused with the weirdos that come through our doors.  I think if I was there I would have picked up one of the bars and yelled to him, "Satisfied?!"

Indecision Maker

This guy came in yesterday because he couldn't get his computer to boot right.  I had him turn it on and he had the laptop facing him so I couldn't see the screen. I told him to let me know when it gets to the part he was having problems with while I was working on some other computers.  After a couple minutes he finally says "This is what it does..." I look and it's just at a yellow looking screen and nothing is going on.  I notice the CD drive is spinning so I clicked it and noticed he had a Norton 360 disc in the tray.  The computer was booting to the disc rather than loading Windows from the hard drive.  Took it out and restarted the computer.  He made sure everything was good, turned it off and left.

Today when all this stuff had to get done, in comes this guy he puts the laptop on the counter.  I was currently working on something so I told him I would be with him in a minute.  Now his computer isn't powering on.  Ok... I take out the battery and try again... Nothing... I tried our universal power adapter to see if was that and perhaps the battery died... Nope...  In the 24 hours he managed to get a power surge and fry the computer. I was actually surprised he didn't blame us since I touched his computer yesterday to take the CD out of the tray.  He then proceeds to tell me that he needs a computer right away.

I should have known what I was getting into... I hate selling computers to people who don't listen to anything that I tell them when they ask.  I try to assess what people need based on their requirements but I am starting to care less and less because as I said they just make the bad decision anyway.  Then come back when the computer is too slow for their uses. 

Ok anyway, this guy was just using it for internet use and research.  This doesn't require anything too powerful.  I proceed to show him some of the basic laptops that would suit his need.  He stares at them for a few seconds then states that maybe he wants a desktop.  Ok... We turn around and I proceed to show him the basic desktops.  He's looking at them for a few seconds and I explain that these models don't include a monitor and that would need to be purchased as well.  So he thinks about it for a few minutes and decides he wants the desktop for 379.99 and the monitor on sale for 89.99.  I check to make sure we have them in stock and we do. I let him know we have it so I'll go get it.  I go to the stock room and grab the tower and monitor and bring them out and place them on the counter.  I go back over to the customer and tell him I brought it to the front.  "I think I want a laptop instead..." Are you fucking kidding me? He shows me two of the laptops he is looking at, I explain the differences between the two and make my recommendations.  He asks to double check the stock on them. I check on the computer and both are in stock.  I come over to tell him that yes we have both of them so it's his choice to which one to get.  Should have known it wouldn't be that easy.  "Now I am looking at these two." Mind you these are on the other side of the table and would be overkill for his needs.  I explain this to him that two laptops he was looking at before would be fine.  He decides to get the first laptop he had me check and I go to the stock room again to replace the original desktop and monitor choice.  After replacing those items in the back I get the laptop he chose.  Hoping this is the last time...  I come out with the laptop and tell him that if he's all set I can ring him out.  "Maybe I should go with the desktop." OMFG!!!  I was about to kill this guy right there.  I was like no this laptop is more powerful than the desktop you were looking at and it's not much more money.  He ended up leaving with that laptop because I swear if I had to get the original desktop again I would not only have been fired on the spot but also in jail for murdering someone.

Dropping the Chips

Today I was walking through the store while blocking the aisles.  Blocking is basically straightening all the items on the shelf making sure all the items are in the right spot and pulling items forward so it looks more full.  The term should just be "Clean the Fuck Up" since the term blocking doesn't make sense.  Anyway I walk down the phone accessories aisle and on the bottom shelf is an open bag of Tostitos Multigrain chips.  I check with all the employees currently working and the MoD (Manager on Duty) and none of them claimed to own this half consumed bag of chips.  The weirdest thing about this is that we don't even sell these chips in the store.  That means someone brought these chips into the store ate half of them then just left them on the shelf.  Who the fuck does this?  Probably the same kind of people that make a pile of items they don't need under the register at Costco.  "Nah, I don't need these diapers for my baby." Next time don't buy such a big bag of chips.

Neither Here nor There & Tales of the Cross-Dresser

Today is CyberMonday and as much of a tech nerd I am I can't be happy because that means people will be coming in to buy technology products.  The 99% of these people buying these products have no idea what the fuck they do or how to use them.  This leaves me trying to explain to them what something does.  Thankfully at one point in the day the one customer who came in is a computer guru and I've dealt with him before.  So he was one of the 1% who knew what the wanted I just had to get it for him out of the locked room.  The item he wanted was a 2TB hard drive but has a slower RPM speed to conserve energy.  This same hard drive I remember looking for last week for a customer and we didn't have it in stock.  This isn't exactly a shock we hardly ever have anything that customers are looking for but have an over-abundance of printers and shredders coming out of our asses.  So I come out of the locked room with the disappointing news that we don't have this drive but I tell the customer I'll check online.  This brings me to one of the computers to check .com.  The item doesn't exist on .com, and this isn't the first time this has happened.  For the last week or so I have been noticing this more and more. We have "Out of Stock" tags on the empty shelves saying "See an Associate to Order this Item Online" but then we try to order it, the item doesn't exist...

There is a cross-dresser who always comes into the store and some days he's (she's?) dressed like a guy.  Most of the time he comes in wearing women's clothing.  He's (she's?) really tall with long white hair. Today I didn't want to deal with the akwardness of helping him (her?) because he (she?) was wearing women's clothing, nail polish, lipstick, and heals.  Eventually I did have to help him (her?) find an ink ribbon for an adding machine.  Of course the ribbons don't show all the machines they are for so I had to look online on .com to once again find that the adding machine we had in the store doesn't exist online as well.  Eventually I found another computer with outside internet access and was able to find it.

 FUN FACT: This same person I helped a couple months ago ordering something online (that day he was dressed as a woman) when it came time to get his (her?) information things got kind of awkward.  In order to ship the item a name had to be given.  All he (she?) said was Jerry/Gerri.  Now I know men and women with the name Jerry/Gerri and of course he (she?) gave me no spelling to indicate otherwise so I had to ask how to spell it.  The spelling was given to me as J-E-R-R-I...

Counterproductive Policy Part 3 (BLACK FRIDAY EDITION) & Late Night Shippers

Granted our store wasn't quite as busy as the picture portrays but Black Friday is still busier than any other day of the year.  The Black Friday lameness started on Wednesday the night before Thanksgiving.  Because we aren't open at all on Thanksgiving we have to setup everything so we are all ready to go on Black Friday.  We were almost done setting up the display tables and moving printers to front and all that was left to do was put up the signs that were already printed.  In a perfect world this would have been awesome since we closed early on Wednesday and this meant we should have left shortly after the time we normally closed.  All was going well before our SM decided to pull EVERYTHING from the top stocks to fill the table with useless stuff that people aren't going to buy.  This is why they were up in the top-stocks in the first place because no one wanted to buy any of it.  So we had to put out all this stupid shit and then create signs for all them.  Now normally shooting signs isn't a big deal, you point the pricing gun at an item, shoot it, and move on to the next.  But because the pricing had to be for Friday's deals we had to manually input every item into the computer and change the date to Friday.  This was extremely lame and we ended up leaving almost 3 hours later than we were supposed to.  I also told the SM that only 10% of the shit would actually sell and I would be the one of the people putting it back away on Saturday.  Turns out I was 100% correct in my hypothesis.

Friday morning the techs had to be in the store by 5AM while other associates had to be there at 5:30AM.  We had a quick meeting letting everyone know how everything was going to go down.  The way the voucher tickets were given out was completely stupid since they were separated into different folders so when someone waiting in line wanted a ticket we had to go find the associate that had that ticket it was completely backwards than it should have been.  Each associate should have carried a couple of each item so it was easily accessible when a customer needed one.  Before the store opened I mentioned to my fellow associates that the PC setup package gift card was actually a great idea because basically it wouldn't hold up the checkout line, we could just ring it up and the customer would be on there way.  Normally we would have to get all the customer's information and then proceed to ringing out the customer.  But the card was meant to avoid this so they can return anytime to redeem their PC setup.  First customer being rung up wanted the gift card and once the item was scanned it asked for a work order number... Meanwhile about 20 or so people are behind the first customer, I suggest putting in an arbitrary number and that worked for that transaction, we weren't so lucky for the next couple and had to actually make a work order using our tech computer.

Another part of the counterproductive policy of this company is the service "envelope" we use to take in computer repairs.  I say "envelope" because that is what it says on it but the damn thing is just a double sided sheet of paper that is 11x17 in size.  Something that they said would be an actual envelope in Q3, it is now Q4...  Anyway on this "envelope" it asks us to get the customer's story as to why they are coming into the store for service.  On this "envelope" it basically asks the customer THREE times why they are here.  Then we are suppose to run a system analysis while we are talking with the customer.  The analysis is the most retarded thing ever created.  I can gather the information the analysis gathers in less than a minute while this dumb scan takes 20 minutes to finish.  The only difference is the virus check.  Mind you this exact scan is performed at the end of each service so once again it is another thing I find to be completely counterproductive.

So onto our famous Saturday Sign night.  Surprisingly there weren't too many signs that had to be put out.  We actually had another associate scheduled to get everything done, which of course is always a relief.  Around 8:50PM this family comes in and goes to the Copy Center because they need to have a whole crapload of packages sent out to eight different locations and had to have all the items packaged.  The poor girl working tonight, L Honda, was told that she could leave at around 9PM when everything was done.  Of course she didn't actually get to leave until 9:30 once this family's packages were boxed and shipping labels were created.  The worst part about this, L Honda explained to me, how these packages won't actually have to ship out until Monday night.  So it is a wonder why the hell these people HAD to come in on a Saturday night right as we are closing to send this shit out.



Unprofessional and Irresponsible

So I'm helping out a customer at the tech counter who is purchasing a computer.  His check got declined so he is calling up his bank to find out if he went over his limit or is there a problem because he just spent a grand at Sleepy's.  So while he's on the phone instead of just sitting there tapping my fingers I looked at some of the computers that were in for service.  While I'm looking up something on our computer my manager calls over to me from the ink section and asks me to look up the ink for a particular model.  She gives me the model and I look it up on our website.  I find the right ink and tell her which one she needs.  I go back to the guy buying the computer who says he is going to make one more call.  So I let him make the call and go back to our computer to look for a driver for a computer.  Then all hell breaks loose.  The lady the manager was helping starts flipping out.

"THIS IS DISGUSTING!!! THIS IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND UNPROFESSIONAL!!!! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER NOW!!!!" 

The manager then explains that she is the manager but the lady is not happy she wants her manager's phone number who is our DM Lord Farquaad.  At this point I honestly have no idea what is going on but I really don't want to get involved. But as the manager is in the office calling the DM to explain the situation the lady is waiting at the tech counter while the guy is still on phone and I'm at the tech computer. I try to avoid all interaction with this lady but of course she has to vent to me as well.

"I am just sick of this store.  I have nothing but problems here.  I bought a computer here and overpaid $100 and it took 30 days for it to come back to me and then there were problems with the computer that Dell had to switch out parts." BLAH BLAH BLAH

As I'm still on the computer I was about to ask her how we overcharged her $100 on a computer but I decided I really didn't care and would rather not have this lady yell at me too.

So the reason this lady was flipping out was because we didn't have the color cartridges for her older printer.  It is available online but it is not in the store because we recently had a remodel and we can't carry every cartridge ever made. It is not our fault what we carry or don't carry in our store, this is the decision of the corporate office who by the way are apparently just little toy monkeys with tamborines (or at least this what I picture when we talk about the corporate office).   I found out about this when I was near the office and the manager was all pissed off because Lord Farquaad told her to give her a new printer and new ink.  The key word being GIVE not sell.  Apparently this was STILL not good enough for this lady she didn't want to lug the printer home even though the manager offered to bring it to her car.  She said she'll just take her laptop to her friends house and use their printer because this is so inconvient.  Some people are so stupid and maybe if you didn't wait last minute to buy your ink we could have ordered it online and you would have had it.

The Counterproductive Policy Part 2 & Three Tries is Still NOT the Charm

So in continuing my segment on the counterproductive policy of this company I thought I would shed some more light on the topic.  Today I walk into the store and find a lot of missing signs.  This is typical of a Monday morning because the ad ends on Saturday and the new week starts on Sunday.  So I make it a habit to go around with the pricing gun and make all new signs.  Well because this company is so "green" we go through sign paper faster than a fat guy goes through toilet paper after eating 100 sliders from White Castle.  Of course we aren't allowed to order more sign paper from our supply company, because orders are allowed to be done ONCE a month AND only one batch at a time.  So we get a pack of 500 sheets of 3x5 sign paper that is gone in less than a week because over 500 signs print in the course of a week.  Since the company is trying to save money and not let us order this paper I am left having to cut all the signs manually with a scissor or a paper cutter which wastes more time.  So not only do I have to cut them but now they are completely out of order and need to be sorted, so I'm not going back and forth in the store putting out the signs.

Near the middle of my shift a guy comes in and asks about computers.  I walk over with him to the laptops and explain the benefits of a laptop and the increased capabilities compared to an tablet or netbook.  He wants to save digital copies of books that relate to certain part numbers in engineering.  So he wants to show me the kind of things he would be downloading and storing so he asks me to set it up so he can start typing "www".  So I exit the demo mode and load up google crhome and set the curser for him to type.  He starts typing www.sees.com which brings up a site about candies. He looks at the site perplexed and says to setup so he can type again. He starts typing the exact same thing hits enter and goes to the candy website.  Nope still not the site he is trying to show me.  So what does he do? He types the same exact thing a third time which once again brings him to the candy website hahaha.

The Counterproductive Policy

On a company that prides itself on making things "Not Difficult", it's funny that getting anything done is extremely difficult.  Not only is it difficult but in most cases the things we are supposed to do actually are counterproductive, resulting in things not getting done. Because things are not getting done, it leaves the managers wondering what exactly is going on. 

     The last few posts I've been mentioning how we have been struggling to keep up with the computers that were coming in.  Because the due dates were a few days surprisingly we managed to actually catch up near the end of the week.  This feat is actually rather impressive considering we only have one tech working at a time with overlaps few and far in between.  This leaves one tech to help all the customers in the store, work on computers, do truck, do pull-list, work on planograms, put out signs, clean.  It is a miracle that if any of that can get done but we do what we can.

    Last night I truly realized how counterproductive the company's policy is in getting anything accomplished.  As stated a few posts back that Saturdays are horrible at the store.  The ad changes which has us take down all the signs that end that week and replace them with standard signs, and putting up all the new sale signs.  Not only is this extremely annoying to do every week but it also wastes a shit load of paper.  Now we also receive a truck near the end of the week which also needs to be put out before we get ANOTHER truck at the beginning of the next week.  Now this is where the conterproductivity really kicks in to high gear.  Instead of putting away all that truck that is piling up and filling all the empty spots on the shelves the policy states that a pull-list MUST be done EVERY NIGHT.  A pull-list is essentially a list of all the missing stuff on the shelves that a manager shoots and hands to an associate. The associate must embark on a journey throughout the abyss of the store trying to find these items.  These pull-lists should really have a note attached that says GOOD LUCK AND GOD SPEED because you are not going to find any of the things on this piece of paper.  I am convinced there is a black hole within the store that sucks up all the missing items that is why we can't find anything.  Apparently that is the only logical explanation because our DM Lord Farquaad refuses to believe that the Warehouse just doesn't send us stuff that they say they did, or the fact that some stuff just shows up about 3 trucks later than it was supposed to.  Ok so anyway back to the policy on pull-lists they are supposed to be done EVERY NIGHT.  So even though the majority of the stuff that was on the pull-list was on the truck, instead of doing the truck and filling all the holes THEN filling whatever is left over.  I have to go on a scavenger hunt to find the stuff that is still in totes or buried in receiving to fill the shelves.  This is just one of the many counterproductive things that this company does on a daily basis.  Ok I'm done ranting for today...

Best Password & "I have an ink toner ribbon cartridge"

So today was a crappy day just like any other. Only one tech working most of the day, surprisingly I did have someone else to help out for the last couple hours.  I've just finished up a computer and the customer was coming in to pick it up.  I explained since we had to install a new hard drive it was like a new computer we had put all his data back on but he has to install all his programs.  He asks me about the antivirus he had renewed but was never able to get working.  We log on to the website where it asks for the user account information both email and password.  I type his email in as he spells it for me then we get to the password which he replies, "killmom11" I started laughing right on the spot.  He says hey no one is ever going to guess that one right? He did have a point haha.

I was working on computers because they are still piled up like crazy but slowly we are catching up.  Anyway my manager comes up to me while I'm working behind the counter and this is how the interaction went.

Manager: "JMan this customer *points to an older woman with big glasses* says she has an  HP Fax 1040 and when I look up the cartridge number in the book and online it says it is the HP 20 ink cartridge, she says the one she has in the machine is a fax ribbon."

Me: *Thinks for a moment* "Well I haven't seen any HP machines that use a fax ribbon so if it says the HP 20 ink cartridge that is most likely the right one."

Customer: "NO! My machine uses a fax ribbon I have gotten it before and I know exactly what it looks like! See I wrote it down, HP Fax 1040 Toner!"

Me: "Ok well I'll look directly on HP's website and double check the owner's manual to see what it says about the replacement ink it uses" (I said ink because I know it uses ink and it's funny just to see her flip out)

Customer: "It is not an ink!!! It is a fax ribbon!!!!!"

Me: " I am loading up the manual now." (Which takes some time because our internet in the store blows) "Ah, here it is, the manual says 'Replace only with HP Ink 20 (#######)'"

Customer: "Ugh I know it is an ink ribbon!! I AM NOT CRAZY!!!!!" *leaves in anger"

Manager: "You handled that the best you could..."

Holy Craptastic Mondays Batman!

Where to start? Mondays usually suck a lot.  And today was certainly no exception.  My day started bright and early to a giant pile of computers that were in for service.  All of a sudden we are getting all these computers in, right before the holdiays because there are tons of other things to do.  Our DM Lord Farquaad was in last week and was pissed off that our promo setup still wasn't done.  Not surprising when there were only two techs in the entire store the week previously.  And by two techs I don't mean just techs who work on and repair computers. I mean techs who help people buying technology products, clean, fill product AND work on computers.  Of course Lord Farquaad doesn't understand this because he just bitches at the managers for 3 hours saying they need to delegate more.  Over the next few days we did our best to get all the promo stuff done while the computers kept piling up.

So that brings me to today.  The computers that were piling up of course had to be looked at so I started them as soon as I walked in.  Of course at my job it is impossible to even do that.  While looking at a computer I am usually only able to get to the windows log on screen before someone walks up to the counter.  "This is my cartridge is this the right replacement" Let's see HP 60 Black and HP 60 Black yep you got the right one. I mean really? Back to the computer I just turned on and RING RING Tech Has Call Holding... Great it's either going to be someone who has a really stupid question or calling to check the status on their computer that I still can't look at because they are calling to check on it.  Ok off the phone back to the computer to see the problems it is having then in walks someone else with a computer.  This is how it was all day, it took me hours to disable a firewall because it was non-stop. 

Finally got to another computer that came in because the customer thinks it has a virus.  What we like to do before just doing a virus removal is to make sure nothing else is going wrong in the computer (failing hard drive, bad memory, etc).  This is normal procedure so no surprises come up during a virus removal.  All the hardware passes so I check out the computer and sure enough it has a virus, I call the customer and have them approve performing a virus removal.  They gave us the go ahead so I started it.  The thing about our virus removals is the in store techs actually don't do the work, we connect to a third party who then removes the virus and we run a final scan to make sure everything is gone.  I let it run and come back to find the online tech "expert" says they can't perform the virus removal because the hard drive is failing.  Really? I wasted my time running a diagnostic where everything passes for you to tell me the hard drive is failing.  So I reconnect to the online service and explain I ran our diagnostics before hand and the computer was fine.  He then proceeds to tell me that he ran a scan too and he didn't want to argue saying which tool was better, then says he is closing the work order now :) . I kid you not he put a fucking smiley face.  To make it even better I never said that our diagnostic tools were better than their tool. I just want to have the computer finished so we can get it paid for and get it the hell out of the store.  So now we are left with a computer with the only option being we will have to do a restore since in-store techs are "not allowed" to perform virus removals.  And where the fuck are people getting these viruses anyway.  Just today I saw three computers that all had the same virus pretending to be a legitimate virus program called Privacy Protection 2011.  Seriously where the fuck do these things come from.  I guarentee if I spent my whole night TRYING to download a virus on my Windows 7 computer I couldn't manage to get one.
Well that was my day.  Let's hope tomorrow isn't an even bigger joke!

EDIT: I forgot to post some of the most interesting stuff that happened today.  While it was insanely busy the three managers on duty decided it was a good time to have a manager meeting in the office.  While everyone and their mother needed tech help.  I was helping this one lady while a guy was waiting behind her, and a dude needed help getting a monitor, all while tech phone keeps ringing off the hook. The one lady was so patient noticing how overwhelming my job can be.  She even goes on to say it's certainly a joke how the managers are in the office having a "meeting" while I'm out on the floor attempting to help 5 people at once.  The fact that the lady was saying this to other guy who was also patiently waiting for my help certainly made my day. It's really a no brainer why our tech satisfaction surveys keep having a low trending category that says "time it takes to greet customer".  Yeah it's kind of impossible for me to split into 5 seperate people to help everyone.  Ok now I'm done for today...

Saturdays are the Devil's Day

I am posting this before I go into work tonight.  Saturdays are the worst days to work at this store.  On top of the usual bullshit during the week (helping helpless people, working on computers, setting up new endcaps and other changes in the store, cleaning the store, filling product on the shelves from truck, filling product on the shelves from overstock, etc.) we are also required to do signs because the ad ends on Saturdays and starts new on Sundays.  All of these things are required to be finished within an 6-8 hour shift.  Usually the only thing that can be done is the signs because some of the customers are so freakin stupid that it takes 45 minutes to explain what printer they need to print documents.  As soon as I finish with that customer I have to help another customer find ink for their printer when they don't even know what ink they need or what printer they even have. "I think I have an HPDellLexmarkEpson 48302021"... MY JOB IS A JOKE!!

Welcome to My Job is a Joke

I made this blog because my job is a joke.  I have been working at a certain retail store for quite a few years now and I am hating it more and more everyday.  The people I interact with are stupid, the policies of the company are stupid, trying to accomplish anything while working is impossible.  I'm going to try to update this possibly 3 to 4 times a week showing how my job truly is a joke.