The Sweet Sound of Death

Tonight I was working like any other night.  As the only tech working, I had to deal with people waiting in a line who get frustrated because they were waiting in a line.   I am the only one there that can help them with whatever tech problems they are having.  While I'm helping this one guy pick up his computer that had some corrupted video drivers, I notice three other people behind the man I'm currently dealing with.  The guy with the computer leaves and I get a data transfer cable for the guy who was next in line.  Then I come back to the tech counter and talk to the third person who was there with her daughter and she starts to go off on me.

Lady: "I had my computer here and you cleaned it out and now the sound is dead, you killed the sound!"

Based on what I just heard, it sounds like we did a system recovery and we somehow missed the audio drivers.  I ask her for her phone number to see what work we did on the computer and when it was completed.  When I look up the work order by her phone number the first thing that I notice is that the computer was last serviced mid OCTOBER of 2011...  (I have mentioned this distorted view of time the customers have in this post).  I mention that is when the computer was here and proceed to see what work was completed.  I open it and find that all we did on the computer was a PC Tune-up and a Memory Installation.  In no way, shape, or form could doing a tune-up and memory install cause it to "kill her audio".  I then go on to tell her exactly that. 

Me: "Ma'am we did a tune-up and a RAM installation on your computer there is no way that either of those services could have 'killed your sound'.  Now it is possible that the laptop's speakers are dead or a driver could have been corrupted but it wouldn't have been from the services we performed..."

Lady: "NO! THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM! YOU KILLED MY SOUND!! I HAD THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE LOOK AT MY COMPUTER AND THEY ALL SAID THAT YOU KILLED MY SOUND!!! I AM VERY UPSET I GO TO PLAY SOMETHING AND I HAVE NO SOUND!!! I WANT TO TALK THE MANAGER TO HAVE THIS RESOLVED!!"

Me: "If this was a problem resulting from the services we did, why didn't you come back after it was done...?"

I completely forgot what she told me at this point because I was in disbelief in what was going on.  My guess is it was something lame like, "I was on vacation for two months" or "I was in the hospital for a sprained ankle"

At this point I have lost faith in humanity so I went into the office to clear my thoughts.  I page my fellow co-worker into the office and tell him of what has just transpired.  He is laughing as I point to lady through the two way mirror, a mirror on one side, and a window on the other.  She then goes up to one of the managers and starts explaining what she just explained to me.  My co-worker and I struggle as we try to hear what she is saying through the glass.  She basically explains the same thing to the manager and the manager explains what a tune-up entails and how it is performed and in no way could the sound not working be resulting from our service.  He then asked if she had a virus recently and her face turned completely red, apparently she had.  He explains more than likely a virus has caused the issues and she could bring it in for us to look at for a diagnostic charge...

RIP Sound

It was nice Hearing you!

Pissing Off The Customer

One thing I noticed about this company that they definitely have no problem pissing off customers. Of course it is usually because we are following the policies that they put in place and when the customer calls and complains they give in within three nanoseconds making the stores look like complete assholes.  Anyway I digress.  I'm going to tell you the story that happened the other day.  A couple with two kids come into the store looking to buy a laptop.  I get called over by my OM to help them.  I get to the laptops and start talking to them about what they are using it for and the things they may need.  They show me the laptop they were looking at that was on sale, it was a really good price.  I tell them a little about it and proceed to check if we have it in stock.  Of course we do not have it in stock so I check online to see if it can be ordered but alas it doesn't even exist on our website.  I come back to tell them unforunately we are out and I can't order it online so I'm going to see if any stores in the area have it and they can go pick it up.  So I check all the stores in the area and no one has it except one store that shows only a couple.  I tell the customer I am going to call the other store and I will be right back.  I call them up and talk to the manager before I even tell him what I am looking for he says the number and says they are definitely out.  So I explain to the customer that no stores in our area has it, we don't have it, and we can't order it online.  The guy starts getting angry, "Ok well can you order it?"  I explained that I check on our website and the item didn't even exist even though it is an ACTIVE item.  He starts getting more pissed, "HOW CAN YOU ADVERTISE SOMETHING AND IT CAN'T EVEN BE PURCHASED!!?!"  I completely agree because this is completely retarded that I am trying to sell a product to a customer and it can't even be purchased.

At this point the only thing I can offer is the display even though it is ACTIVE but I just want to get these people out of the store, I don't care if I have to put up a display again when and if it ever comes back into the store.  He gets mad and says we have to subsitute something similar for the same price.  Unfortunately we aren't allowed to do that without an approved item from the corporate office.  He gets even more frustrated and she explains that she wants one in a box.  So I do more looking around to find another store that may have it.  I make a couple more calls and do find a store that has it but it is almost an hour away from our location.  I asked them if they can send it to us even though our region has said we are no longer allowed to do "save a sales"  but this was an extreme circumstance since I can't get this item for the customer any other way.

In the end, we were able to get the laptop shipped to our store for the customer and even managed to get the plan.  The reason I am mentioning the plan is because it means I don't have to hear my SM bitch and moan asking me, "Duuuuude, what happened?"

The "I Hate My Job" Song

If you have been reading this blog you know that I'm not too enthusiastic about working at this retail store.  You are probably wondering why I am still working here if I hate it so much.  I'm currently looking for another job but I am not having much luck.  I think as soon as they see this company's name on my resume they think I'm an idiot and just skip right over it.  Anyway here is something you should know that I do a lot at work.  To kill the time I like to take every lame song that plays in the store and change the lyrics a little to emphasize how I feel about my job.  It has become second nature now so sometimes I don't even realize I am doing it.

Well the other night I wasn't even listening to whatever crap that was playing over the loud speaker.  I was working on my scavenger hunt list while doing the truck because about 80% of the shit on the list was still on the truck.  But instead of doing the truck first then doing a pull-list I have to find stuff that is buried under 50 boxes of shredders or go through 50 totes to find a mouse pad.... In agony, I belted out a song version of "I Hate My Job!" then all of a sudden a lady a couple aisles over in the Martha Stewart section sticks her head around the corner and asks, "What did you say?!"  Oh shit, I was caught completely off guard and didn't know how to answer her inquiry.   Maybe she heard me wrong and then she continued with, "Did you just sing you hate your job?"  I then reply, "Yes, yes I did...A little work time comedy..."  The lady then goes on to tell me that if she worked here she probably would hate her job too hahaha!  Well that broke the ice and I helped her find what she was looking for. I went back to my crappy truck and pull-list and she continued to shop around the store.  As she was leaving she came up to me one last time and said, "I'm going to be thinking about that all night now, that was really funny!"  Needless to say that was the highlight of my crappy night.

Laptops from HELL

I was working one night and it was sucking just like everyday does at the friendly neighborhood retail HELL.  Once again the DEMONS like to show themselves mostly at the times I am working.  The one customer's computer whom we fixed only a few days ago came back with the same problem.  His webcam just ceased to function.  We saw it was a driver issue installed the software and BAM it worked.  It was demonstrated for him twice before leaving the store.  He comes in and puts the laptop on the counter and says the webcam isn't working again.  At first I didn't know who this customer was because I only briefly looked at the computer during its stay in the store, and I never actually met the customer.  So I check device manager and low and behold the webcam just vanished from the face of the earth.  I try to do a quick system restore while the customer is walking around and it fails to do the restore.  I try another restore point and it fails that one too.  I tell the customer I will try a few things that they can leave and come back if they want, and I'll call them once I know.  Now the computer wasn't even booting, it was freezing at the POST screen or freezing before actually loading windows.  I call him up to tell him I am going to redo the diagnostic tests he originally had done because something doesn't seem right now.  All the diagnostics passed with flying colors but I didn't get a chance to look over everything else because of the other things that happened...  Anyway turns out my fellow tech associate was able to fix the computer by resetting the BIOS, running startup repair and reinstalling the webcam software and magically the webcam showed up in device manager again.  I like how when I tried to do anything with the BIOS or run start up repair the computer just kept freezing completely on me, that was even after doing a battery pull and memory reseat... fucking demons...

The next lady comes in while I'm looking for the needles in a haystack AKA my pull-list, and I am paged to the tech counter.  The lady explains to me how she called earlier and they told her to drop it off, ok.  Turns out we did a PC setup service at the end of December and she somehow fucked something up so bad that the manufacturer of the computer reformatted her computer.  Now all the data and software we transferred and installed was gone.  Now we have to do all the work again, and of course we won't get actual labor time to do the work since money is actually not coming into the store...

So it's around 8:00PM and we close at 9:00PM and the SM tells me that we have to do the entire laptop planogram and it has to be done by tonight... so says the word from Lord Farquaad (DM)...  Apparently the SM asked one of the associates if he finished the laptop planogram sometime during the week and the SM claims that he said he had.  Idk how true this statement is, nor do I really care, because the SM tends to lie A LOT.   The SM says once we close and he finishes all the closing procedures he will come out to help me with the laptop planogram.  Great I actually won't have to do the entire thing alone.  We close at 9:00PM and the drawers and deposit don't take very long to do.  He should be out of the cash office by 9:30-9:45 to help me.  Apparently a whole bunch of money went missing or misplaced and he didn't actually get out of the cash office until around 11PM... By then I was about 70% done with the laptop planogram.  Which involved taking down 15 laptops and putting up about 18 new ones... He comes out and starts complaining that no one did the cart full of ink... uh no shit we had no cashier from 8:00PM to closing...so he had to do that... Meanwhile I was still working on the HELL that is the laptop planogram.  Finally he finishes the ink and whatever else he was doing to come help me, but not really help me put the laptop displays out but just signs everything.  I think he actually helped me put the last display out because I had to bolt a piece to the table and it couldn't be done by one person.  Long story short, we closed at 9:00PM and I didn't get to leave the store until about 12:50AM all because Lord Farquaad wanted the laptop planogram done by the end of that night.  To top it off I was supposed to open the next morning.  Good thing I switched with one of the other techs or I would have gone Bat Shit Crazy in the morning.

FUCK MY JOB!!!!

The NEW Parts System

The only way I can describe the new part system that we have been using for the last few months is, "Making it 'Easier' by Making it More Annoying".  The only good thing I found with the new parts system is that it is easier to find a specific part that we are looking for.  Whether it be a certain CD/DVD drive or a laptop specific keyboard.  That's where the good ends and the misery begins.  Everything else with this part system is completely retarded. 

With the old part system it was attached directly to a customer's work order.  You could go right into the work order, add or change it, and essentially just add a part or request a quote on the part through there.  It was a lot easier to keep track of because the part was attached to the work order.  Now with the new system I have to go and make a work order and add a SKU called Part Only Order.  Then I have to use an entirely different computer to actually order the part, it asks for the same information regarding make and model, and the work order number that we just made.  Then it comes time to actually ring up the part for the customer.  Just imagine that this customer only ordered a part, no services or anything else.  How many barcodes does it take to ring up ONE part??  The correct answer is FOUR.  FOUR fucking barcodes to ring up ONE fucking item.  First barcode is the actual part, then we have to type in the price. Second barcode is the internal work order for the part order (on the parts system).  Third barcode is for the Part Only SKU that we made on the customer's work order, then finally the work order number that has the Part Only SKU on it.  Whoever designed this system needs to be shot in the face.

Ok, now the part is ordered and what we have to do next is wait.  All the parts on the parts system say they will arrive in 1-3 days.  That's not terrible at all.  Some of the RAM we order comes in the very next day, power supplies usually two days, hard drives WHO FUCKING KNOWS? (apparently due to flooding overseas hard drive orders had a 10 day wait, of course no mention of that on the parts system when ordering them).

When the parts finally do come in then it's a gamble if the part is actually defective or not.  About 3 out of 5 parts that I have been installing actually worked, the other 2 were defective.  First I have to call the customer to inform them that our parts company is retarded and sent another defective part. That I am ordering a new one and they now have to wait longer. Then the next step is process the request for the bad part, put a new label on the box, and throw it in the UPS drop off bin.  Then I have to make a new part order to request the same damn part.  If the customer paid already for the part then when they come in I have to return the part and ring up the new part.

Of course when they first introduced this new part system they made it sound amazing.  And the only amazing thing about it about is how amazingly retarded and overly complicated it has to be.  I mean FOUR barcodes for one freakin part is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.  Oh and don't forget when I have to deal with all this bullshit when I am the only tech working that day, while dealing with the retarded customers, doing pull-list, truck, and other tech work.  Why is the Associate Satisfaction score so low?? Geez I don't fucking know!!

NEXT POST: Laptops from HELL

COMING SOON... Possibly Today...

Time: A Warped View from the Customer's Perspective

From working in this store for a couple years now, I have learned one thing.  Our customers have a really distorted view when it comes to time.  The customers also have a hard time actually listening to what we tell them and imagine we say different things, but that is a topic for another post.  Anyway, I have a couple of stories that will help you see time from the customer's perspective.  There are many factors that determine when a computer that comes in for service will be completed.  Depending on if there are tech associates on the schedule who have the certification to work on computers, how much other bullshit needs to be done in the store, if there is actually an overlap in the schedule so tech work can be completed, and lastly how many computers are currently in the store that need to be worked on.

THE "I NEED IT BACK YESTERDAY" CUSTOMER

If you ever worked as a tech at a retail store you can probably attest that this can be one of the most annoying customers you will encounter.  They drop off their computer which they use for work and it's full of porn.  Apparently actually doing work came second for the need to crank one out.  Anyway they bring it in and ask we get to it as soon as possible.  Then we glance over at our production board and realize that there are about 10 other computers ahead of this one.  We explain that because there are other computers ahead of theirs the wait be a little longer usually 3-4 days if we are backed up.  This is always too much for the customer to hear and they always get extremely frustrated that we aren't miracle workers.

Finally we check in their computer, get to work on some of the others so we can get to their precious as soon as possible.  Maybe an hour or two went by and they call to check the status of their computer.  Are you fucking serious right now?  You just checked in we are still working on the other 10 computers that were ahead of yours.  And you aren't helping  by calling constantly to check up on your baby.  We will call you once we know what the problem is and a way to fix it.

So maybe about two to three days later we are able to get to that computer and we call the customer and tell them what needs to be done.  We usually have it complete the next day once we know what the problem is.  And this is where it gets really fucked up.  We rushed to get their computer done because they need it and when we call them to tell them it is ready they say, "Oh it's ready? I'll be in next week or next month to pick it up!" WTF?? You were mad that we weren't able to rush your computer and when it done within the time frame we gave you, you aren't even picking it up for a freaking month?  This has happened multiple times...

THE "I HAD IT HERE RECENTLY, SO IT IS YOUR FAULT" CUSTOMER

This customer also can piss off a tech.  Our warranty period for tech services is 30 days.  Within 30 days a customer can bring their computer back and we can look at it for no additional charge. Unless something else completely seperate from the original problem occurs then it may need additonal services.  Anyway the customer brings in the computer says we did a tune-up not long ago on it and since then it has been acting weird.  Ok, lets see when your computer was last here.  So it's now Februrary 2012 and your computer was last here in April 2011... That wasn't recent at all.  If the problem of not getting on the Internet just occured in the last week there is no freakin way what we did in April 2011 affected it now...

THE "IT WAS DONE ON TIME, BUT I AM NOT HAPPY" CUSTOMER

Recently our TSAT came down and we were sitting at 78%.  That means 78% of the people that took the survey said we did perfect.  That's pretty damn good if you ask me, well not according to management.  Management only gets mad about how they run the store when the CSAT & TSAT come out.  Anyway, there is a section on the TSAT where customers can actually write about how we did.  Things they liked and things they didn't like.  One customer gave us a 4 out of 5 (which brought down the score to the 78% by the way) and this is exactly what the comment said. "THEY TOLD ME IT WOULD BE DONE IN 3-4 DAYS AND IT WAS, BUT I AM STILL NOT HAPPY"  I'm sorry I didn't rub your feet and lay out a red carpet for you when you came in the store fucktard.

Until Next Time!