Dropping the Chips

Today I was walking through the store while blocking the aisles.  Blocking is basically straightening all the items on the shelf making sure all the items are in the right spot and pulling items forward so it looks more full.  The term should just be "Clean the Fuck Up" since the term blocking doesn't make sense.  Anyway I walk down the phone accessories aisle and on the bottom shelf is an open bag of Tostitos Multigrain chips.  I check with all the employees currently working and the MoD (Manager on Duty) and none of them claimed to own this half consumed bag of chips.  The weirdest thing about this is that we don't even sell these chips in the store.  That means someone brought these chips into the store ate half of them then just left them on the shelf.  Who the fuck does this?  Probably the same kind of people that make a pile of items they don't need under the register at Costco.  "Nah, I don't need these diapers for my baby." Next time don't buy such a big bag of chips.

Neither Here nor There & Tales of the Cross-Dresser

Today is CyberMonday and as much of a tech nerd I am I can't be happy because that means people will be coming in to buy technology products.  The 99% of these people buying these products have no idea what the fuck they do or how to use them.  This leaves me trying to explain to them what something does.  Thankfully at one point in the day the one customer who came in is a computer guru and I've dealt with him before.  So he was one of the 1% who knew what the wanted I just had to get it for him out of the locked room.  The item he wanted was a 2TB hard drive but has a slower RPM speed to conserve energy.  This same hard drive I remember looking for last week for a customer and we didn't have it in stock.  This isn't exactly a shock we hardly ever have anything that customers are looking for but have an over-abundance of printers and shredders coming out of our asses.  So I come out of the locked room with the disappointing news that we don't have this drive but I tell the customer I'll check online.  This brings me to one of the computers to check .com.  The item doesn't exist on .com, and this isn't the first time this has happened.  For the last week or so I have been noticing this more and more. We have "Out of Stock" tags on the empty shelves saying "See an Associate to Order this Item Online" but then we try to order it, the item doesn't exist...

There is a cross-dresser who always comes into the store and some days he's (she's?) dressed like a guy.  Most of the time he comes in wearing women's clothing.  He's (she's?) really tall with long white hair. Today I didn't want to deal with the akwardness of helping him (her?) because he (she?) was wearing women's clothing, nail polish, lipstick, and heals.  Eventually I did have to help him (her?) find an ink ribbon for an adding machine.  Of course the ribbons don't show all the machines they are for so I had to look online on .com to once again find that the adding machine we had in the store doesn't exist online as well.  Eventually I found another computer with outside internet access and was able to find it.

 FUN FACT: This same person I helped a couple months ago ordering something online (that day he was dressed as a woman) when it came time to get his (her?) information things got kind of awkward.  In order to ship the item a name had to be given.  All he (she?) said was Jerry/Gerri.  Now I know men and women with the name Jerry/Gerri and of course he (she?) gave me no spelling to indicate otherwise so I had to ask how to spell it.  The spelling was given to me as J-E-R-R-I...

Counterproductive Policy Part 3 (BLACK FRIDAY EDITION) & Late Night Shippers

Granted our store wasn't quite as busy as the picture portrays but Black Friday is still busier than any other day of the year.  The Black Friday lameness started on Wednesday the night before Thanksgiving.  Because we aren't open at all on Thanksgiving we have to setup everything so we are all ready to go on Black Friday.  We were almost done setting up the display tables and moving printers to front and all that was left to do was put up the signs that were already printed.  In a perfect world this would have been awesome since we closed early on Wednesday and this meant we should have left shortly after the time we normally closed.  All was going well before our SM decided to pull EVERYTHING from the top stocks to fill the table with useless stuff that people aren't going to buy.  This is why they were up in the top-stocks in the first place because no one wanted to buy any of it.  So we had to put out all this stupid shit and then create signs for all them.  Now normally shooting signs isn't a big deal, you point the pricing gun at an item, shoot it, and move on to the next.  But because the pricing had to be for Friday's deals we had to manually input every item into the computer and change the date to Friday.  This was extremely lame and we ended up leaving almost 3 hours later than we were supposed to.  I also told the SM that only 10% of the shit would actually sell and I would be the one of the people putting it back away on Saturday.  Turns out I was 100% correct in my hypothesis.

Friday morning the techs had to be in the store by 5AM while other associates had to be there at 5:30AM.  We had a quick meeting letting everyone know how everything was going to go down.  The way the voucher tickets were given out was completely stupid since they were separated into different folders so when someone waiting in line wanted a ticket we had to go find the associate that had that ticket it was completely backwards than it should have been.  Each associate should have carried a couple of each item so it was easily accessible when a customer needed one.  Before the store opened I mentioned to my fellow associates that the PC setup package gift card was actually a great idea because basically it wouldn't hold up the checkout line, we could just ring it up and the customer would be on there way.  Normally we would have to get all the customer's information and then proceed to ringing out the customer.  But the card was meant to avoid this so they can return anytime to redeem their PC setup.  First customer being rung up wanted the gift card and once the item was scanned it asked for a work order number... Meanwhile about 20 or so people are behind the first customer, I suggest putting in an arbitrary number and that worked for that transaction, we weren't so lucky for the next couple and had to actually make a work order using our tech computer.

Another part of the counterproductive policy of this company is the service "envelope" we use to take in computer repairs.  I say "envelope" because that is what it says on it but the damn thing is just a double sided sheet of paper that is 11x17 in size.  Something that they said would be an actual envelope in Q3, it is now Q4...  Anyway on this "envelope" it asks us to get the customer's story as to why they are coming into the store for service.  On this "envelope" it basically asks the customer THREE times why they are here.  Then we are suppose to run a system analysis while we are talking with the customer.  The analysis is the most retarded thing ever created.  I can gather the information the analysis gathers in less than a minute while this dumb scan takes 20 minutes to finish.  The only difference is the virus check.  Mind you this exact scan is performed at the end of each service so once again it is another thing I find to be completely counterproductive.

So onto our famous Saturday Sign night.  Surprisingly there weren't too many signs that had to be put out.  We actually had another associate scheduled to get everything done, which of course is always a relief.  Around 8:50PM this family comes in and goes to the Copy Center because they need to have a whole crapload of packages sent out to eight different locations and had to have all the items packaged.  The poor girl working tonight, L Honda, was told that she could leave at around 9PM when everything was done.  Of course she didn't actually get to leave until 9:30 once this family's packages were boxed and shipping labels were created.  The worst part about this, L Honda explained to me, how these packages won't actually have to ship out until Monday night.  So it is a wonder why the hell these people HAD to come in on a Saturday night right as we are closing to send this shit out.



Unprofessional and Irresponsible

So I'm helping out a customer at the tech counter who is purchasing a computer.  His check got declined so he is calling up his bank to find out if he went over his limit or is there a problem because he just spent a grand at Sleepy's.  So while he's on the phone instead of just sitting there tapping my fingers I looked at some of the computers that were in for service.  While I'm looking up something on our computer my manager calls over to me from the ink section and asks me to look up the ink for a particular model.  She gives me the model and I look it up on our website.  I find the right ink and tell her which one she needs.  I go back to the guy buying the computer who says he is going to make one more call.  So I let him make the call and go back to our computer to look for a driver for a computer.  Then all hell breaks loose.  The lady the manager was helping starts flipping out.

"THIS IS DISGUSTING!!! THIS IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND UNPROFESSIONAL!!!! I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER NOW!!!!" 

The manager then explains that she is the manager but the lady is not happy she wants her manager's phone number who is our DM Lord Farquaad.  At this point I honestly have no idea what is going on but I really don't want to get involved. But as the manager is in the office calling the DM to explain the situation the lady is waiting at the tech counter while the guy is still on phone and I'm at the tech computer. I try to avoid all interaction with this lady but of course she has to vent to me as well.

"I am just sick of this store.  I have nothing but problems here.  I bought a computer here and overpaid $100 and it took 30 days for it to come back to me and then there were problems with the computer that Dell had to switch out parts." BLAH BLAH BLAH

As I'm still on the computer I was about to ask her how we overcharged her $100 on a computer but I decided I really didn't care and would rather not have this lady yell at me too.

So the reason this lady was flipping out was because we didn't have the color cartridges for her older printer.  It is available online but it is not in the store because we recently had a remodel and we can't carry every cartridge ever made. It is not our fault what we carry or don't carry in our store, this is the decision of the corporate office who by the way are apparently just little toy monkeys with tamborines (or at least this what I picture when we talk about the corporate office).   I found out about this when I was near the office and the manager was all pissed off because Lord Farquaad told her to give her a new printer and new ink.  The key word being GIVE not sell.  Apparently this was STILL not good enough for this lady she didn't want to lug the printer home even though the manager offered to bring it to her car.  She said she'll just take her laptop to her friends house and use their printer because this is so inconvient.  Some people are so stupid and maybe if you didn't wait last minute to buy your ink we could have ordered it online and you would have had it.

The Counterproductive Policy Part 2 & Three Tries is Still NOT the Charm

So in continuing my segment on the counterproductive policy of this company I thought I would shed some more light on the topic.  Today I walk into the store and find a lot of missing signs.  This is typical of a Monday morning because the ad ends on Saturday and the new week starts on Sunday.  So I make it a habit to go around with the pricing gun and make all new signs.  Well because this company is so "green" we go through sign paper faster than a fat guy goes through toilet paper after eating 100 sliders from White Castle.  Of course we aren't allowed to order more sign paper from our supply company, because orders are allowed to be done ONCE a month AND only one batch at a time.  So we get a pack of 500 sheets of 3x5 sign paper that is gone in less than a week because over 500 signs print in the course of a week.  Since the company is trying to save money and not let us order this paper I am left having to cut all the signs manually with a scissor or a paper cutter which wastes more time.  So not only do I have to cut them but now they are completely out of order and need to be sorted, so I'm not going back and forth in the store putting out the signs.

Near the middle of my shift a guy comes in and asks about computers.  I walk over with him to the laptops and explain the benefits of a laptop and the increased capabilities compared to an tablet or netbook.  He wants to save digital copies of books that relate to certain part numbers in engineering.  So he wants to show me the kind of things he would be downloading and storing so he asks me to set it up so he can start typing "www".  So I exit the demo mode and load up google crhome and set the curser for him to type.  He starts typing www.sees.com which brings up a site about candies. He looks at the site perplexed and says to setup so he can type again. He starts typing the exact same thing hits enter and goes to the candy website.  Nope still not the site he is trying to show me.  So what does he do? He types the same exact thing a third time which once again brings him to the candy website hahaha.

The Counterproductive Policy

On a company that prides itself on making things "Not Difficult", it's funny that getting anything done is extremely difficult.  Not only is it difficult but in most cases the things we are supposed to do actually are counterproductive, resulting in things not getting done. Because things are not getting done, it leaves the managers wondering what exactly is going on. 

     The last few posts I've been mentioning how we have been struggling to keep up with the computers that were coming in.  Because the due dates were a few days surprisingly we managed to actually catch up near the end of the week.  This feat is actually rather impressive considering we only have one tech working at a time with overlaps few and far in between.  This leaves one tech to help all the customers in the store, work on computers, do truck, do pull-list, work on planograms, put out signs, clean.  It is a miracle that if any of that can get done but we do what we can.

    Last night I truly realized how counterproductive the company's policy is in getting anything accomplished.  As stated a few posts back that Saturdays are horrible at the store.  The ad changes which has us take down all the signs that end that week and replace them with standard signs, and putting up all the new sale signs.  Not only is this extremely annoying to do every week but it also wastes a shit load of paper.  Now we also receive a truck near the end of the week which also needs to be put out before we get ANOTHER truck at the beginning of the next week.  Now this is where the conterproductivity really kicks in to high gear.  Instead of putting away all that truck that is piling up and filling all the empty spots on the shelves the policy states that a pull-list MUST be done EVERY NIGHT.  A pull-list is essentially a list of all the missing stuff on the shelves that a manager shoots and hands to an associate. The associate must embark on a journey throughout the abyss of the store trying to find these items.  These pull-lists should really have a note attached that says GOOD LUCK AND GOD SPEED because you are not going to find any of the things on this piece of paper.  I am convinced there is a black hole within the store that sucks up all the missing items that is why we can't find anything.  Apparently that is the only logical explanation because our DM Lord Farquaad refuses to believe that the Warehouse just doesn't send us stuff that they say they did, or the fact that some stuff just shows up about 3 trucks later than it was supposed to.  Ok so anyway back to the policy on pull-lists they are supposed to be done EVERY NIGHT.  So even though the majority of the stuff that was on the pull-list was on the truck, instead of doing the truck and filling all the holes THEN filling whatever is left over.  I have to go on a scavenger hunt to find the stuff that is still in totes or buried in receiving to fill the shelves.  This is just one of the many counterproductive things that this company does on a daily basis.  Ok I'm done ranting for today...

Best Password & "I have an ink toner ribbon cartridge"

So today was a crappy day just like any other. Only one tech working most of the day, surprisingly I did have someone else to help out for the last couple hours.  I've just finished up a computer and the customer was coming in to pick it up.  I explained since we had to install a new hard drive it was like a new computer we had put all his data back on but he has to install all his programs.  He asks me about the antivirus he had renewed but was never able to get working.  We log on to the website where it asks for the user account information both email and password.  I type his email in as he spells it for me then we get to the password which he replies, "killmom11" I started laughing right on the spot.  He says hey no one is ever going to guess that one right? He did have a point haha.

I was working on computers because they are still piled up like crazy but slowly we are catching up.  Anyway my manager comes up to me while I'm working behind the counter and this is how the interaction went.

Manager: "JMan this customer *points to an older woman with big glasses* says she has an  HP Fax 1040 and when I look up the cartridge number in the book and online it says it is the HP 20 ink cartridge, she says the one she has in the machine is a fax ribbon."

Me: *Thinks for a moment* "Well I haven't seen any HP machines that use a fax ribbon so if it says the HP 20 ink cartridge that is most likely the right one."

Customer: "NO! My machine uses a fax ribbon I have gotten it before and I know exactly what it looks like! See I wrote it down, HP Fax 1040 Toner!"

Me: "Ok well I'll look directly on HP's website and double check the owner's manual to see what it says about the replacement ink it uses" (I said ink because I know it uses ink and it's funny just to see her flip out)

Customer: "It is not an ink!!! It is a fax ribbon!!!!!"

Me: " I am loading up the manual now." (Which takes some time because our internet in the store blows) "Ah, here it is, the manual says 'Replace only with HP Ink 20 (#######)'"

Customer: "Ugh I know it is an ink ribbon!! I AM NOT CRAZY!!!!!" *leaves in anger"

Manager: "You handled that the best you could..."

Holy Craptastic Mondays Batman!

Where to start? Mondays usually suck a lot.  And today was certainly no exception.  My day started bright and early to a giant pile of computers that were in for service.  All of a sudden we are getting all these computers in, right before the holdiays because there are tons of other things to do.  Our DM Lord Farquaad was in last week and was pissed off that our promo setup still wasn't done.  Not surprising when there were only two techs in the entire store the week previously.  And by two techs I don't mean just techs who work on and repair computers. I mean techs who help people buying technology products, clean, fill product AND work on computers.  Of course Lord Farquaad doesn't understand this because he just bitches at the managers for 3 hours saying they need to delegate more.  Over the next few days we did our best to get all the promo stuff done while the computers kept piling up.

So that brings me to today.  The computers that were piling up of course had to be looked at so I started them as soon as I walked in.  Of course at my job it is impossible to even do that.  While looking at a computer I am usually only able to get to the windows log on screen before someone walks up to the counter.  "This is my cartridge is this the right replacement" Let's see HP 60 Black and HP 60 Black yep you got the right one. I mean really? Back to the computer I just turned on and RING RING Tech Has Call Holding... Great it's either going to be someone who has a really stupid question or calling to check the status on their computer that I still can't look at because they are calling to check on it.  Ok off the phone back to the computer to see the problems it is having then in walks someone else with a computer.  This is how it was all day, it took me hours to disable a firewall because it was non-stop. 

Finally got to another computer that came in because the customer thinks it has a virus.  What we like to do before just doing a virus removal is to make sure nothing else is going wrong in the computer (failing hard drive, bad memory, etc).  This is normal procedure so no surprises come up during a virus removal.  All the hardware passes so I check out the computer and sure enough it has a virus, I call the customer and have them approve performing a virus removal.  They gave us the go ahead so I started it.  The thing about our virus removals is the in store techs actually don't do the work, we connect to a third party who then removes the virus and we run a final scan to make sure everything is gone.  I let it run and come back to find the online tech "expert" says they can't perform the virus removal because the hard drive is failing.  Really? I wasted my time running a diagnostic where everything passes for you to tell me the hard drive is failing.  So I reconnect to the online service and explain I ran our diagnostics before hand and the computer was fine.  He then proceeds to tell me that he ran a scan too and he didn't want to argue saying which tool was better, then says he is closing the work order now :) . I kid you not he put a fucking smiley face.  To make it even better I never said that our diagnostic tools were better than their tool. I just want to have the computer finished so we can get it paid for and get it the hell out of the store.  So now we are left with a computer with the only option being we will have to do a restore since in-store techs are "not allowed" to perform virus removals.  And where the fuck are people getting these viruses anyway.  Just today I saw three computers that all had the same virus pretending to be a legitimate virus program called Privacy Protection 2011.  Seriously where the fuck do these things come from.  I guarentee if I spent my whole night TRYING to download a virus on my Windows 7 computer I couldn't manage to get one.
Well that was my day.  Let's hope tomorrow isn't an even bigger joke!

EDIT: I forgot to post some of the most interesting stuff that happened today.  While it was insanely busy the three managers on duty decided it was a good time to have a manager meeting in the office.  While everyone and their mother needed tech help.  I was helping this one lady while a guy was waiting behind her, and a dude needed help getting a monitor, all while tech phone keeps ringing off the hook. The one lady was so patient noticing how overwhelming my job can be.  She even goes on to say it's certainly a joke how the managers are in the office having a "meeting" while I'm out on the floor attempting to help 5 people at once.  The fact that the lady was saying this to other guy who was also patiently waiting for my help certainly made my day. It's really a no brainer why our tech satisfaction surveys keep having a low trending category that says "time it takes to greet customer".  Yeah it's kind of impossible for me to split into 5 seperate people to help everyone.  Ok now I'm done for today...

Saturdays are the Devil's Day

I am posting this before I go into work tonight.  Saturdays are the worst days to work at this store.  On top of the usual bullshit during the week (helping helpless people, working on computers, setting up new endcaps and other changes in the store, cleaning the store, filling product on the shelves from truck, filling product on the shelves from overstock, etc.) we are also required to do signs because the ad ends on Saturdays and starts new on Sundays.  All of these things are required to be finished within an 6-8 hour shift.  Usually the only thing that can be done is the signs because some of the customers are so freakin stupid that it takes 45 minutes to explain what printer they need to print documents.  As soon as I finish with that customer I have to help another customer find ink for their printer when they don't even know what ink they need or what printer they even have. "I think I have an HPDellLexmarkEpson 48302021"... MY JOB IS A JOKE!!

Welcome to My Job is a Joke

I made this blog because my job is a joke.  I have been working at a certain retail store for quite a few years now and I am hating it more and more everyday.  The people I interact with are stupid, the policies of the company are stupid, trying to accomplish anything while working is impossible.  I'm going to try to update this possibly 3 to 4 times a week showing how my job truly is a joke.