Mispronunciation & Stupid Remarks

This post will consist entirely of mispronunciations and stupid remarks that hear throughout a typical day at the work place.  I'm going to post what the customer said and if needed I will comment with the correction or a funny remark. Enjoy!

"I am looking for a Linkskiis box"
Skiis... We don't sell them here. It is Linksys... I don't understand why it is so hard to say.

"Linksee box"
Same comment as before...

"I need a UBS cord"
USB... anything that comes out will have one. Say it right.

"I need a USB Wireless Ethernet"
WHAT? I was baffled when I heard this. I had to ask what the fuck was the person trying to do.

"I just put ink into my computer so I know that isn't the problem!"
Actually I think that might be the problem...

"I need McAafree Antivirus"
It is really McAfee.  I think they say it this way because it has Free in the name.

"I need a 1 trigabit Stargate Drive"
I kid you not that has been asked...

"I need a USB port for my car so I can charge my laptop in the car"
Wow... Just wow...

"What do you mean I have to plug in the laptop?! It's WIRELESS!!!"
Just like a cellphone it can be used wirelessly but it still needs to charge...

"I got this virus on my computer when I started to watch porn while at Panera Bread"
WTF?

"I need ink toner for my printer!"
It is either ink or toner...Not both...

"Why is the ink over there now! You always change everything around"
Actually it has been this way for over a year now...

"It's only an 8 year old computer. I don't understand why it doesn't run anymore"
Because it's an 8 year old computer...

"This computer is racist because it's black!"
Actually you are racist because you think because it's black it's racist...

"I need a USB cable with the computer end on both sides"
That is the rarest USB cable ever.  The reason they want this is because they think it is how they hook up their printer to their computer. They see the USB port in front of the printer and think that is how it outputs.  Actually it's in the back of the printer or sometimes inside and is a completely different end.

"I was told if I bought the 3-user version of this antivirus that I could install it on the same computer after the first year expired"
No you weren't...

"I need a VGA monitor cable with a male and female end to hook up to my TV"
No, you need male to male, your TV will have a female end on it.  This person ended up coming back for the right cable an hour later and apologized because I was right.

"Since I'm buying so much today can I get a discount?"
You bought the cheapest computer with nothing else. No you can't get a fucking discount!

Lady on Phone: "My computer isn't connecting to the wireless anymore! What is wrong with it? It was working yesterday"
Me: Well there can be a number of things wrong with it. I suggest bringing it in so we can check it out.
Lady: "But what is wrong with it?!"
Me: Could be a virus, could be a setting got changed, could be something wrong with the router, could be the wireless card is dead...
Lady: "But what is wrong with it?!?!?"

"I need Office PX and I know you have it here!"
Turns out it was Windows XP and no we didn't have it, Windows XP stopped being sold since Vista came out in 2007...

"Ok you don't have it here... If you had it where would it be?"
Why ask this? Seriously?

"I know the hard drive isn't failing! I am going to sue you! I am telling all the papers!"
This guy brought his computer in for a diagnostic a few years ago to find out what was wrong with his computer. I still haven't read the news article about this.